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BUSTED: SEX WITH THE WRONG PARTNER

Who has sex with the wrong person and doesn't know it? In daytime, a lot of people make this mistake, as evidenced by Jack's recent cluelessness on The Young and the Restless. We also saw the same stupidity from Brooke and Oliver on The Bold and the Beautiful.

In Jack's situation, he married and slept with a doppelganger for months before discovering the woman wasn't his wife. Granted, he had a good excuse: the woman had plastic surgery to have the exact same face as his wife. However, taking the leap of faith that someone's face can be made identical to someone else's, isn't it a bit much to assume everything else on the body matches as well?

Jack had sex with his wife-to-be, Emily, before he married her, so after the wedding when he was sleeping with Patty, shouldn't he have noticed a few things that were different between the two women?

In soaps, when people are getting it on, I guess simple things like age, height difference, size difference, etc. don't matter. Brooke is married to fifty-something Ridge on B&B. Brooke (the gorgeous Katherine Kelly Lang), as hard as it is to believe, is also fast approaching the mid-century mark. Brooke's daughter Hope is 17, and Hope's boyfriend is 19 or 20.

At Hope's graduation party where everyone was wearing masks, somehow Brooke and Oliver each mistook the other for their partner in the heat of the moment. Oliver had two excuses: Brooke was wearing Hope's necklace and Hope was supposed to whisper to him that she was "ready" whenever she decided she wanted to lose her virginity. In an extreme coincidence, Brooke chose to utter those exact words to him on the dance floor. Brooke's excuse was that Oliver was wearing Ridge's leather jacket.

Both were too horny to take a time out (or take off their masks) before they let their bodies speak for them. Did Oliver really think sweet, innocent, romantic Hope wanted her first time to be pressed against a wall in the middle of a party where her siblings and parents were in attendance? Did Brooke really think uptight, control-freak Ridge would behave in such an uncharacteristic, hedonistic way while chaperoning her daughter's party?

If either of them had taken a breather to notice the obvious age and physical differences in partners, they would have realized their error before their dirty deed became a fait accompli.

In real life, many people sleep with the "wrong" person. Even though they know what they're doing is wrong, they still know who they're doing it with. All the masks and plastic surgery in the world can't alter basic biological facts.

 

BLISSFUL: JOHN AND NATALIE'S REUNION ON OLTL

After a tumultuous four years apart, John and Natalie reunited on One Life to Live. During their time apart, both had serious relationships with other people, and Natalie was even briefly married to Jared before he was murdered.

Even though they weren't romantically involved in the intervening years, John and Natalie were always in each other's orbit, and remained friends. Michael Easton (John) and Melissa Archer (Natalie) had chemistry in every scene they were in together, whatever the context. This was never more evident than during the last year when the-powers-that-be tried to force feed viewers John and Marty as a couple. Easton and Susan Haskell (Marty) would have been hard pressed to find a spark in a fire as far as their romantic chemistry.

This was surprising, because Easton has chemistry with almost every woman on the show, love interest or not (i.e. Kassie DePaiva; Blair, Gina Tognoni; Kelly; Bree Williamson; Jessica). The show finally got a clue and pulled the plug on this DOA duo. The writers then pointed John in the direction of his long lost flame.

Of course, the path to soap opera reconciliation is never smooth. Frustrated fans had to sit through Marty's pregnancy, knowing John was choosing Marty because of the baby and not because he loved her. When Marty was pushed down the stairs and lost the baby, it became clear what had to be done.

To their credit, Easton and Haskell handled the tricky break up scene delicately and with just the right amount of regret. It was refreshing to see a couple break up because even though they loved each other, they weren't "in" love any more, and realized they didn't have what it takes for the long haul. The scene was played so there weren't any villains. It gave Marty a much needed opportunity to get her dignity and strength back, while setting John free to be with the woman he loves.

Unfortunately, Natalie stumbled into this tender moment and misconstrued John and Marty's goodbye kiss. In typical soap fashion, she couldn't wait to confront John, but rather interpreted it to mean he was staying with Marty, instead of meeting her at her designated rendezvous hour.

It was easy to predict what was going to happen next when a drunk Natalie arrived on Brody's doorstep. As fate would have it, Brody was also drunk, after enduring what he thought was his final break-up with Natalie's sister, Jessica. The two had steamy sex (Have Brody and Jessica ever had sex like that?) without regrets until the next morning when both were unexpectedly reunited with their loved ones.

At the airport, John thought Natalie was on a plane to London and he missed his chance to tell her how he felt. When a ticket agent told him Natalie had missed the flight (she was otherwise occupied with Brody), Easton allowed John to show a faint glimmer of hope. He turned around to leave, and there was Natalie with a look of utter disbelief on her face.

Easton was the picture of vulnerability as John admitted to Natalie that he's still not very good at expressing his feelings, but that he loved her. Archer's face registered confusion, elation and guilt all at once. Natalie has some explaining to do about the missing gap of time in her evening, and it will be tough for John to criticize her after what he put her through with Mary.

Since this is a soap opera and no self-respecting soap allows a couple to enjoy happiness for long, I predict Natalie's little romp with Brody will result in a pregnancy. John could probably get over Natalie sleeping with Brody under the circumstances, but how will he react to a baby that's not his? If the show chooses to go this clichéd but effective route, Easton and Archer will surely be at the top of their emotional game which is what viewers really want: a well acted and well written story featuring a beloved couple.

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Lesleyann Coker is a reporter and monthly opinion columnist for www.Soapdom.com and a blogger for The Huffington Post. She is also the co-author of Boob Tube, a novel that goes behind the scenes of the soap opera industry. The book is available in ebook form at http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/3 . She was previously a reporter for Soap Opera Weekly Magazine.

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