It's Laura D. coming to you live from New York City!!!! So this will be my first blog for Soapdom and as I am sure you will be able to tell after the first couple of lines, I have a lot to say about everything and anything. However, I have been warned to keep some type of scope in mind and so I shall as I always defer to those individuals who allow me to enjoy the lifestyle for which I have grown accustomed: The clearance rack at Payless Shoes and the "All You Can Eat Buffet" at the Chandelier.
Before I begin, I must make all aware that I am suffering through the nastiest kind of New York summer day: Humid and smelly! Other than that, things are looking up.
Okay, here I go: As hard as I try, I cannot keep my hand from clicking the remote every time General Hospital is on. Either the serial - which I once truly loved! - has gotten too depressing or my penchant for the quick hands of the Iron Chef on The Food Network has grown.
I adore, adore the multi-talented Maurice Benard and have the utmost respect for his crusade to bring awareness to bi-polar disorder, but I cannot stomach another Lily hallucination or one more epiphany by Emily- a current medical student not doctor- toward her lover's current condition.
If I do watch, one of two things happen: I either begin to bang my head against my desk OR I mumble to myself in foreign tongues which results in co-workers grabbing the Yellow Pages and looking up the nearest Archdiocese.
What irritates me most is the fact that the audience is supposed to believe Emily, not Brenda or Carly (who some would argue were Sonny's greatest loves and true soulmates), will be the one to save the mobster.
Does this soap take me for a fool?
I better see the return of Vanessa Marcil as Brenda, or at the very least, some kind of reconcilliation between Sonny and Carly (now played by Laura Braun, er, I mean, Tamara Braun....no Sarah Brown....Laura WRIGHT!) for me to even consider watching what will no doubt be a brilliant performance by Benard detailing Sonny's recovery.
I recommend that during its end credits, GH play an upbeat song to get its fans out of the funk it has just imposed on them. My suggestion? I always feel like getting up and shakin' it to 50 Cent's "In Da Club." I don't care if it was released years ago.... Dr. Dre kicks that funky beat.
And finally, what was Star Jones (formerly of The View) thinking when she went off and blabbed to People Magazine that she was indeed fired from the chatfest after going on-air and blaming the separation on the fact that The View was moving in a "new direction." (a.k.a. Rosie O'Donnell).
Doesn't Star know that at ABC Barbara Walters is a god! What Barbara says, goes. I know it doesn't look like Walters could take anyone, but believe me, she's a tough one. I ran into her many times at the ABC commissary and if there is only one piece of pie left and Babs wants it, then you best give it to Babs.
I speak the truth. After Star's double-cross, the former lawyer's image had not so mysteriously disappeared from the opening credits and Walters went so far as to issue the following statement to a stunned studio audience: "It has become uncomfortable for us to pretend that everything is the same at this table, and therefore, regrettably, Star will no longer be on this program."
Bab's even had Star's face banned from the show's official website. You don't mess with Bab's... she's bad.
I'm available to join the show if called upon. Remember me, Ms. Walters? I gave you that last piece of pie......
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