Come Clean ~ Only in Soap Land

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Victims of SORAS, amazing job security, a trial in seconds, only in your soap town


Marcy Rylan (Lizzie, Guiding Light)We all know when we watch television there is a suspension of belief and this is especially true in soap land. The viewers are willing to “suspend reality” and accept the dramatic truth. For the most part we do accept life in soap land, just the way it unfolds. But that doesn’t mean we still don’t poke fun and comment on the soap happenings through the eyes of reality.

A given dramatic truth is that every court case, court hearing, and/or police investigation is totally fraudulent, illegal and makes a mockery of truth, justice and the American way! Police investigate their own family members, judges allow last minute testimony after a ruling, evidence is easily stolen, attorneys work for conflicting interests and the list goes on and on.  We easily accept this and just laugh and shake our heads.

Soap opera rapidly aging syndrome (SORAS) is another dramatic truth that we easily accept. But every now and then, this aging syndrome will speed by so fast that it will give you whiplash! For instance, Leah Bauer on GL was born in 2004; in 2006 the writers rapidly aged her to 14!  That caught viewers totally by surprise.  And to complicate matters, how do you explain that she has cousins and friends that were born around the same time, yet they haven’t aged!  In the reverse, Brad Snyder on ATWT returned to town in 2007 as the younger brother of Jack Snyder, yet he was born before Jack!  Go figure that one.

Security -- or rather the lack thereof -- is another laughable circumstance in soapdom. Ever notice how many people that live in mansions do not lock their doors? And the locks in any office can easily be picked with a hairpin? And of course, there is usually no security camera, and if they have security personnel, they are easily duped?

Housing is another funny issue. I understand that too many sets are costly for production, but there has got to be a way to work around limited sets. Some very wealthy people live in one/two bedroom apartments with their husband, baby, mother-in-law, father-in-law and brother-in-law.  This might be easily accepted if they were all average working stiffs!  The scions of the Newman Empire on Y&R have lived in the tack room, which is next to the horse stables! C’mon even this stretches reality. Then, there is the Snyder farm on ATWT whereby 13 people were living there and the home owner, Emma is always gone! In this case, I would leave my house, too, if that many free loaders moved in!

No matter your favorite berg, it is so easy to get a job!  Most times, you get hired on the spot and without an interview. But only in soap land can you show up on the first day of your job and ask to take some time off for something more important or request an advance on your salary.  What nerve, yet somehow the employee manages to keep their jobs! C’mon writers, let us hear one employer say “Are you crazy? Get out you slacker and never come back!” 

And isn’t it funny that everyone talks on their cell phones while in a hospital?  It is posted everywhere to please turn off your cell phones while in a hospital. So writers surprise us and have a character make a call on their cell phone in the hospital and then make the lights in the hospital go dim like a brown out, machines start beeping and then have everyone turn around and look at the character that is speaking on their phone.  That would be hilarious to see. 

I am definitely moving to soap land when I need medical assistance. Have you noticed that people can get in to see the doctor immediately? Or they can get a rush on their medical test?  How amazing! When I get the flu, I can’t even get in to see my primary care physician that day!

What say you? Tell me about some of the funny things that happen only in your favorite soap land. “Add a comment” below.